I don't talk about my dad often. I hardly write about him too. I think it's probably because I prefer the good memories. The events of his passing was one I shoved deep down, so deep that at a point I couldn't reach it anymore. For a long time, all I saw was needles, whites clothes, masks, oxygen tanks. I watched the strongest man I knew succumb to death in less than 48 hours. At some point, I felt nothing and I thought (wrongly) that I had gotten over the grief. He left at a point when we needed him the most.
He gave me everything. They say that sometimes you don't realise everything a person is to you till you can't find them anymore. I was 22 when he passed but he was still buying sweets for me up till that moment. He trusted me. The kind of trust that scared me a little. Not because I couldn't live up to it. I wasn't expecting it at that moment. And that trust was one thing I made sure I never betray. He was the most upright man I knew.
Whenever I think about sharing my journey, I always ask myself, where do I begin? People love to read happy stories, and there's just so much pain in this journey of mine that I decided to not share. I mean, what's the point? What's the beginning, the middle and the end? I didn't want to pick a decent part of my life and share. Everything is interconnected. Plus the ugly part exceeds the beautiful part. So there.
It's Father's Day today and this was supposed to be a good post. An appreciation post. My dad raised me to be an honest person. I wanted to give him so much but death wouldn't let me. He was a strict disciplinarian. I hated it when I was younger but not once did it diminish his love for me or mine for him. I might not have realised it then but I know that now. I'll always remember his values and try to live up to them.
I think of you all the time, not just today. Today, the word celebrates the good fathers. You, I celebrate everyday for all you did. Not just for me, but also for people who still talk about your good deeds up till today. I celebrate you for being the most unselfish person I knew. I celebrate you for the family values you instilled which hasn't and will never leave me. I celebrate you for teaching me the importance of being upright in everything no matter how difficult the situation may be. I celebrate you for understanding the value of education and for making sure I got one, however late.
This post is for you.
And for all the decent father's out there, dead or alive.
Thank you all for all you did.
Thank you all for all you still do.
Happy Father's Day.